Family constellations | Explanation by Els van Steijn

A family constellation is a powerful method to gain insight into the force field of your family. During a constellation, invisible patterns become visible, making them more manageable in daily life.

What does a family constellation facilitator do?

As a family constellation facilitator, I do not only look at you as an individual, but I consider the entire family system. Due to the deep connection with your biological family, burdensome patterns may have developed that affect your daily life. These patterns often repeat themselves unconsciously and can hinder your development.

When you are firmly in your place in the family system, you experience more peace and balance in your life. During a constellation you discover how it feels to be in your unique place and what the effect is if that is not the case. You not only get rational insight into the dynamics, but you also feel this in your body. This helps you to use your full potential.

How does a setup proceed?

You come with a question that serves as an entry point for the setup. This could be, for example:

• Why am I unable to maintain relationships?
• Why do I feel like I'm hitting the gas and brake at the same time?
• Why do I always experience a struggle with authority?
• Why do I carry so much responsibility for others and yet keep overstepping my own boundaries?

The counselor asks some in-depth questions and tunes in to you and your family system. It is not so much about the exact formulation of the question, but about making visible what wants to be seen.

Then other participants are invited as representatives for your family members, characteristics, feelings or patterns. They position themselves in the space and experience the thoughts and emotions that are connected to the persons or elements they represent. This clearly shows which dynamics are at play and where blind spots are.

Then we look at which interventions are possible to empower you and your family system. A constellation offers new perspectives and shows solutions that can positively influence your life.

How does a constellation relate to your family system?

You are inextricably linked to your family system. This system has invisible laws that you can make work for or against you. You can leave an organization or break contact with family members, but your biological family will always remain a part of you.

The harder you deny your family background, the stronger the system pulls at you and reminds you of what still needs to be looked at. Repeating patterns often manifest themselves even more strongly. When you try to break with your family system, this can actually cause extra tension.

A constellation gives you the opportunity to face these dynamics and deal with them in a conscious way.

What can a constellation bring you?

A constellation can provide deep insights that you cannot always think of with your ratio. Often something else is going on at the core than you initially think.

For example:

• Someone who has difficulties with his or her mother actually appears to feel a deep loyalty to the father, which creates an inner distance from the mother.
• Unresolved grief for a deceased brother, sister or unborn child can unconsciously pull you away from life.
• Long-hidden family secrets can have a major impact on your daily functioning.

A constellation brings these unconscious dynamics to light with great clarity and can provide inner healing.

As a representative you also gain insights from a set-up

You don't necessarily have to do your own set-up to gain insights. As a representative you can resonate with the themes of others, which are often also related to your own patterns.

Examples:

• You recognize the loyalty conflict of children in a divorce.
• You feel your mother claiming you because she is needy.
• You experience sadness about a loss that you could not feel before.

Constellations not only make old wounds visible, but also offer a healing effect.

How do you prepare for a family constellation?

A constellation is difficult to prepare for, because you never know in advance what will unfold. The movement of the constellation guides the process.

Many participants experience tension beforehand, but afterwards they feel enriched and strengthened. More space and clarity are created.

How do you ensure that the effect of a setup continues?

A constellation is like a seed that develops at its own pace. You don't have to pull it. The impact unfolds itself in your life.

What you can do:

• Recall and repeat the images you saw during the setup.
• Stay open to the insights that present themselves.
• Pay attention to the feelings that arise in your body and feel them fully.

A set-up doesn't have to be a fairy tale to work effectively. Reality is often the most healing.

Are his constellations spiritual?

Constellations use an invisible force field, but that does not necessarily mean that they are spiritual. It is a method that works according to certain systemic principles, which have not yet been fully explained scientifically.

The question is: Do you want to be happy or do you want to understand?
If you want to fully analyze constellations, you will shoot into your head and the constellation will not work as deeply in your body.

A constellation often shows that your body knows which way it wants to go, but that your head is holding it back because of pain or fear.

Are there risks associated with family constellations?

Because family constellation facilitator is not a protected title, it is important to choose an experienced facilitator with a solid education. Check references before participating.

In addition, it is wise to consult a doctor before doing a constellation if you have mental illnesses or are taking heavy medication.

Are family constellations reimbursed by health insurers?

No, because family constellations are not a recognized and accredited form of therapy, they are not reimbursed by health insurers.

Finally

Constellations help you to look at what you have to look at. Wear what is yours and let go of what is not yours.

I wish you to stand firmly in your place in your own fountain and that it can flow freely.

Want to read more? Check out the book The Fountain by Els van Steijn.